Dream marathon. It happens?

So i was anticipating these few weeks getting a cat...had asked around...some deals turns down. Some ain't responding. hah! It's complicated getting cat. Could it be because i don't want just any cat. I want a really cute cat, at least mix persian, and i prefer a grey one. Because they look really cute in grey, and by the way, i already (i mean, i had) a white and yellow ones before, so I wanted a different cat.

It didn't bothers me that i wasn't getting through any dealing of cat with the seller. Well, only the fact that it was on my mind the whole time.

But why would i dream of a cat that had its claws on me really deep every time i try to touch it. You know how dreams just seem so real,,,sometime you can also feel it (think you feel it). When i dreamt of it last night, think i almost scream in pain. The freaking cat (i don't know if it was my cat, or someone else's cat that i was holding,,but i'm damn sure its a cat!) had it claws on my me!it went right into my skin, and i can almost imagine how it hurts.

Okay..so what is that!a sign?a sign that i should not get a cat?that's absurd,,so what if it's gonna cost me some cold hard cash maintaining and taking care of it. I can do it. I have the resources now. That's was really scary though..i love cats but i sure don;t want it's claws on me. And when i have one, i sure don;t want to cut their claws,,they need it. Poor kitten without claws.

I cannot relate to this one. Was getting in a roller coaster, with my sister (Najla). And they forgot to put on our seat belt. What??it was awfully scary when the rollercoaster started to move, didnt know why i didn't get off. Argh!enough with this non-sense dream. Next.

How about this one. Still at the same night.

I'm not sure where i was,,but it looks like somewhere in Europe, Paris maybe. haha. It was also weirder that i was in some sort of vacation or holiday only with my younger sister with me?aiyaya..why would she be there?don't have a clue. And i have a slight feeling like that the get-away was actually kept secret from my parents. Even weirder. I didn't do anything wrong lately that i wouldn't want my parents to know.mmm..

Okay..so now the real drama. Somehow i find my self in an Indian restaurant...like kedai mamak lah. But i was with my family. And there was a brake dance happening there. WTH!!The brake dance was very bizarre really. I don't even know how to say it. The mamak was brake dancing and everyone seemed to be amused by it. And was it my dad?He went and joined it?This is really crazy! Next, i find myself in a lift,,,getting back from the mamak stall and to my hotel. Now alone. And a cute guy came into the lift. Somehow i just knew that he was from the opposite hotel. Oh i forgot to tell, that before i enter into the lift, there was couple dressed in somewhat i dont't remember costume, because its halloween. And they asked me, so what part are you playing. And i was only wearing jeans, cardigans...and spare you guys the details of i am ONLY wearing. Getting back to the cute guy in the lift with me,,,hahaha...omg i don't know what kind of singal this is conveying. Can i say the rest is history,,as if you all know what happen between us.

What i can say out of these dreams that i had in one night is that, it was a tiring week. And my mind needed a break...Oh..just remembered that i wanted to go for a late night movie, but don't think my mum would allow me to. So there you have it. My movie. As i have always been saying before, most of my dreams don't make sense. It's just random thoughts that turns into a dramatic crazy WTH dreams. Hidden message maybe? mm...maybe...don't wanna think to hard about it.

= )

You're acting like a jealous girlfriend

That is what a friend of mine, a guy told me when i told him 'the story'.

The story that it sometimes annoys me when this person whom i don't know what kind of relationship were're actually having...sometimes can just go off into silent whenever he feels like it, and the shows up whenever he feels he wants to...and he perfectly have a reasonble good reason to do so. Like example for once, i asked him why he didn't reply my text that morning and he answered because he was in the training class and he was sitting right in front. What am i suppose to say?It's a good reason!And once again what right do i have to asked him anything, when there is nothing officially going on between us.Yeah...the story goes on and on...and my friend said i should take is easy and slow down, because i'm acting like a jealous girlfriend when i'm not his gf. Ouch!

Try listening to this song by Brandy- Have you ever and appriciate the lyrics. It's almost sad and something which i relate to. Imagine that you like and care for someone so much, only that the other person does not feel the same way, or at least not show it. Ouch again!

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?

Have you ever?

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything
To make them understand?
Have you ever had someone
Steal your heart away?
You'd give anything
To make them feel the same?
Have you ever searched for words
To get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start?

(Repeat chorus)

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life?
You'd do just about anything
To look into their eyes?
Have you fin'ly found the one
You've given your heart to
Only to find that one
Won't give their heart to you?
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there

And all you can do is wait
For that day when they will care?

(Repeat chorus)

(Bridge:)
What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby?
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand
How I need you next to me?
Gotta get you in my world
'Cause, baby, I can't sleep

(Repeat chorus twice)

Have you ever?

This is one of my all time favourite song. And my justification for so-called acting like a jealous girlfriend. I Am not. I just feel that you can't just disspaear from me and act like i dont exist, and suddently show up just because i am there. I want to be there. Maybe it's too early. Or maybe it's a sign that its not meant to be. I'm torn. = (

I'm sorry, i don't like writing all this emotional thing. But i can't help it. These days, it is one of major problems and dilemmas.sighs to that.

Silence means troubles.

When someone dissapaers for some time, or when two peole sit together not talking...means there's something very negative going on.

That's me.

Been dissapearing from my online world. Well,,one reason is because my laptop is damned messed up. Second reason, i thought its because all those little thoughs that's troubling me are just the normal effects of a girl trying to make in the real world feeling. But turns up as i am beginning to realise, its getting under my skin. It came to the point where i asked myself "have i made the wrong decision". Not a very good sign is it. Also considering, maybe i should quit and start what i have always wanted to do in the first place.

At the next page of my life come that relationship with friends and people we care about. With my sister being married now, it sometimes feel like ai'm losing a sister. I know i'm not losing her, she is still my sister for goodness sake. but lets face it. Its gonna be different and its something i have to get used to. Be alright eventually. And me with this person, i donno where the relationship is heading. Some nights ago i was upset over something we said. And i used "we" because it's just not his or my fault. Its just the situation. The situation that in his world nobody knows i exist. But whose to blame? And what rights do i have to blame him for that. Because me and him. We're actually nothing.


And that is it.

Gone too soon, my dear friend CT Zubaidah.

2 days before Raya, i and the rest of the people who knew her was shocked to get the news that our beloved friend CT Zubaidah Zainal Abidin had passed away. I recieved the call from a friend at about 7.00, i couldn't not believe the news. But the reality is she had left us. She died in a tragic car accident in Sabak Bernam. I pray and hope that she rest in peace and ditempatkan dikalangan orang yang beriman.

Dear CT,

I fell your absence already. We were in the same class during L.L.B...i still have a lot of your pictures with me and when i go through it, its almost hard to believe that you are no longer around, when i had just spoken to you on the phone just days before the accident. We grew closer when we both reported duty at the AG, didn't we? I still remember you slept over at my house during the training at Ilkap, all still fresh in my memory.

Dear CT,

I will always remember you as the girl with a lot of spirit. Always smiling and cheerful. You will remain in my memory as that happy girl with a strong spirit. All that you've gone through during your studies, i saw you cried, you cheered and you being angry. All those emotion of you still so real to me.

To my late beloved friend...i pray that your life diberkati Allah s.w.t. May you rest in peace and ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. To her family, my condolences goes out to them, i cannot imagine how they are going through. Be strong. To all of us that knew her, Al- Fatihah to her. Be strong too.

This raya and the rest of the days.

Be safe people.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfirtri

I haven't been posting anything for some time since my last post. No time. No mood. Tired. Nothing really important to write about.

A lot have happen in my working life, but i'm getting used to it so there isn;t any point of writing about it and complaining it. Exception of course in reality is another side of the story.

Something worth sharing i guess is the fact that i just recieved my first paycheck about a week ago. It was a big sum considering it is a two and a half month sweat!Supposingly it is three month, but somehow along the line there was some problem with the management, and so the ramaining will be once again bought forward to the next month.Ah!Whatever!

I by pass some events taking place, in particular the Merdeka Day..and yes, not to late to wish all the muslim Selamat Berpuasa (we still have some days of puasa to go).

There were also some unpleasant acts taking place in my family which i rather not talk about in public. But it was unpleasant. unexpected. I hope things will resolve soon.

My sister is getting married this raya, so that should be exciting. I mean, it is! I was there with her her whole single life, and anticipating her marriage, i was also there witnessing how and when she met him. And when they did, i was there helping her preparing for her big day. It's going to be a busy raya. I haven't even finish doing my raya shopping yet.

Oh ya, i'm still at the office. Everyone seems to have dissapear into their raya holiday, and there is only two-three person left. Tommorow will be friday and i can't imagine how mood-less it will be here. The silence in the office. The raya mood lingering in everyone's head. Cold. Haha..

Anyways...

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Maaf Zahir Batin