I found this on my pendrive...

I don't remember when i wrote this, but it is one of my unpublished entiries i guess.

Title   :      Feelings missed.

It’s early morning. Maybe around 630 am. I’ll take a shower and the water is freezing cold. There is no water heater available here. On my way to the bathroom, i will bumb into some people doing the same thing as i am about to do. Probably. The shower will be a quick one, because, yes, it is freezing cold. But i am not rushing. There isn’t any plan for today. I am just taking my sweet time. I put my lazy pant and tshirt. Lay on my bed again just enjoying the morning. I look to my right and front. They’re all up too doing the same thing as i am. At 7 we will go for breakfast, then talk about what we will do for today. It has to be Saturday. Here, it almost feel better than home.

College.

That early morning activity when i was in college is one of things i miss. There is an undescribable feeling that i am not able to put in words, like a calm serene emotion where waking up in the morning doesn’t feel like a drag. No expectation of what i have to be do on a not-working day. No obligations to do such.

This note is unfinished. I can't continue to write it now because i don't remember how i wanted it to end when i wrote it.

My best friends wedding.

Once again, it is that time of the year where we will be showered by wedding invitations. I have to apologise to some of my friends for not being able to make it to their wedding as i was torn between many invites.

To my ex-roomate, Hans - Selamat Pengantin Baru! Sorry could not make it to your wedding. You looked really beautiful with the white gown, you always were pretty. Remember when you, me, Dd and Dhura were roomates and we would make fun about who were going to get married first? Didn't think it would be you, would we? = )

To another one my my ex-roomate and good friend- Fiza - Selamat Pangantin Baru to you too! I'm really happy for you. You found your happy ending at last after that last sturggle and experience which you, nor any other girl deserve. As always, you looked really pretty. = )

This week, i will be attending another one of my good friend's wedding. Honestly, i love wedding and attending those to whom i know because it made be feel that there is still something good and right happening in this world. I think i share their happiness of their very own happy ending.

Mine, yet to to come true.

p/s pictures will be updated later.

Unhappy

I wish i could be more a complaisant person. Be just fine and content with what i have, wished i could just be like those people who just wants the simplist thing in life; to just have a job that pays them enough to get through the day, not too choosy and picky about whom they are going to marry, what they want to buy, the kind of life they want to lead..etc..etc..etc.

Right now, i am not happy. About everything. Call me an ungrateful bitch, but at 25 in the city, is like trying to make it the real world and as for now, i feel like im crawling at the bottom windmill. It's weird, because i remember not so long ago, when i was 21-22, i feel like the luckiest person in the world. I had everything and everything i had was good enough. Now, everything seem otherwise, nothing is ever satisfying.

My life is not taking on a new height. I am not happy and i don't know how to be. It is not like i haven't tried to be positive about all these.

I just can't go on writing about this. I'm going to just let this go and figure out whether im just having my moments or things are just falling out of place.

I've been listening to this one song, and trying to capture the essence of this words in the song:
"If it makes you happy, then it can't be that bad."
"If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad"

p/s Oh white knight, i really can't wait to meet you. You are the only thing that i can see myself with for the long run.

Park Signal On!

I was so angry today at this Pakcik driving a black getz. Imagine, i was already waiting for this parking with my signals on, and he suddently came in and park his car there. Like shit! I gave him a horn a few times and even glanced at him, and die boleh buat muka macam blur like tak tahu what is going on. I didn't move my car and i bet people around there noticed what was going on and were starring at us. I was just about to pull down my mirror and said Pakcik tak tau adab parking ke?! Tapi disebabkan ada ramai orang kt situ, so xnk timbulkan chaos and memalukan orang, i said to myself to just let it go.

I did.

Only for a few seconds, as a drove back to that parking and that stupid Pakcik was still in his car. I stopped beside his car and gave him a few more horns. Of course, i looked at him ,and he still had his blur face. I was hoping to bump into him at the supermarket so that i can actually tegur him, but God has better things planned, we did not bump into each other.

I can only say that, kalau tak reti adab tu mmg tak kira umur, dah tua nk mati pon tak reti adab....kesian, patutla la dh kawin and ada anak pakai kereta kecik je kan Pakcik?

Kesian.

Pathetic.

Updates!

Last week, i went camping. Well, sort of, except we slept in dorms. But we still applied the camping tradition, like bath berkemban ramai-ramai, outdoors activities which includes kayak-ing for 4 straight hours with jellyfish swimming around us (thank god i did not get sting as many participants did), flying foxs, and swam in a stinky swamp, walk on a thin robe from one end to another and cooking.

It was fun minues the part where we had to listen to talks which i don't agree, because i don't think it is given by the appropriate person and the topic was the wrong forum.  Sorry, i'm not being arrogant here, but frankly speaking i think if you want to teach people about law, and your quorum are legal people, i think it is only fair that you should have some legal background, FIRST. Secondly, please don't go into the whole politic agenda. It's just wrong!

I didn't say the place did i...it was at Balik Pulau, Bayan Lepas Penang. When we were there, we were divided into groups and my oh my, my named was randomly (i assumed) picked as group leader. Sometimes i wonder if it's written in the stars or im just always lucky, that i was always picked to lead. When i was in UiTM during my LLB, i was choosen to the SP (senior partner), then when i joined service i was picked to lead the murder moot trial. But i enjoyed every bits of it, and i dont think i can ever imagine myself not being picked. Hehe..

So anyways, no sun burn! Because it was raining everyday when we were there, so it wasn't too hot. I prefer it that way, because it lessen the outdoor activities. Hehe..

After 4 days off from work (3 days off from work and 1day was public holiday-labour day), when i got back to the office, of course, files and more files was queing! It was scary to think that how can i get all these done! But somehow, productivity and will took over me, and so wala! everything is looking good. Not to mention i had to endure exhaustion and tiredness. When i got home, i literally just doze off into slumberland.

Oh hey! My car is due next week!

A little dissapointment because the color i initially wanted was no longer available. My agent said he misrepresented me. Ah my stupid agent! I had him in a nightmare forcing him to find me that copper color no matter what! But i'm done torturing him now, so i settle for a pearl white.

Yes, pearl white can still be considered as a male (haha). I will not get a female car (haha). I'm still thinking of a name of my car....a male name. Hahaha..

Ideas? Ideas?

Sharing with you a conversation of what took place between me and my friend as we were discussing about this car....

Friend    :     So what color is she going to be?
Me        :     She? It is going to be a him. Why would i get a she?!
Friend    :     Fine! Gatal....
Me        :     Hahaha...it's going to be brown/copper. Wonder what i should call him.
Friend    :     You can call him copper.
Me        :     Yes. maybe. He is going to be a hot and he's got my name all over him (because the plat number is my birthday)
Friend    :    He's got your name written at the buttom on his butt. Haha
Me         :    And on the front too! Hahaha
Friend    :     Ewww,yana. Gross. Now my mind is running.


Is your mind running too? Hehe...