Random Arguments

One.


Me : Dik, bagi tea o limau panas.
Waiter : Ok.
Me : Tukar la, bagi tea o limau suam.
Waiter : (giggles) Kak, panas & suam sama la.
Me : Aaa. Tak.
Waiter : Sama laa
Me : (fine, just give me tea o limau yang tak sejuk)




Two.


Me : Dik, kalao sup campur ni pedas ke tak?
Waiter : Boleh buat pedas kalao nak.
Me : Ok, bagi saya sup campur satu. Tapi buat pedas. Pedas sikit ja.
Waiter : Buat kurang pedas la..
Me : Saya nak pedas sikit.
Waiter : Kurang pedas laa
Me : ( Fine! im not gonna even argue, just bring me a sup yang ada rasa pedas!)

Who Knows

Dalam hati, sapa yang tahu, kan?

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?

Scented

I love to smell nice! I love perfume! Just saying...hehe




Purrrrr....




XOX

Confession of a Shopaholic (not me.duh~)

Just recently, approximately 2 weeks ago, i got eye infection. You know, when your eyes feel discomfort, then it goes red, then after you took off your contact lenses but it still feels like there's something in your eyes, and then you saw a doted red mark on your retina, so you freak out thinking your retina is torn or something, and at that very moment, you storm out of the office and head to the nearest clinic, and the moment you got inside the doctor's room, you say "Dr. there is something seriously wrong with my eyes"? no? Okay, that must be just me! Yes - i freaked out, because its your eyes! It's sensitive and delicate and i was informed that the cells at your eyes doesn't grow like the rest of the cells in your body. So once it's gone, damaged-you will never be the same. Hhmm..that's a little dramatic.

What i wanted to say actually, was right after that particular event, i decided that i should wear less contact lenses and wear spectacles. I had one before, but ii was broken because i accidentally sat or stepped on it (don't remember which), but the end product was that it got broken. So that was when i started wearing contact lenses, which i admit i'm not committed to taking care of it's hygiene, which explains how i got the infection. 

Right. So i went to get a new spectacles. It cost me RM900++. I swiped my credit card of course. Duh! Who has cash for that amount? Not people like me. The last time i bought a spectacles only cost about RM300 (including frame and lenses). I took an oath i will not but anything else until y next paycheck. 

You know, sometimes, there is just that month where you ran out of cash so instantly and that month has come for me. I am really broke. Despite that 900 spectacles (which is on loan), my november salary is almost empty. I meant it like 'really Really REALLY' empty. It's only the 2nd week of December, and my account said i only have 300. And a friend texted me asking if i can loan her a hundred, and i said yes. 

Today, i cashed out 100, and as i roamed at the mall today, suddenly at the perfume section, something stopped me. Like a force. THIS:-

So i happy bought it because i have been waiting for it to be lauched in M'sia and i didn't know that it's already here. My perfume is almost Empty too (just like my bank account = P). If you paid attention and do that maths, please calculate the balance of my account because i cannot bare it look at it.

That awkward moment...

Madeasimmons_ MS 

That awkward moment when you realize that the people you should #nevertrust are the ones who say "Trust me."

OMG. I want to dedicate this tweet to my lady boss. Does she has twitter? i'll twit this to her. NOT!

Hussshhhh..

I didn't know what to do in the afternoon today. I browsed through several music videos and stalked browsed my friends on their facebook, I wanted to see of i could watch a tv drama/series on youtube, but i could not think of any that i wanted to watch considering Betty is not coming back any time soon (oh but please do!) and Grey's Anatomy, oh well, the latest season which is 8?or 9? is not out yet. So i exhausted every possible fun activities i can do on the internet. 

So...

I had an idea, to watch a trailer of Ombak Rindu on youtube. It's the latest and i guess awaited malay movie currently showing at the cinema now. It was just out on Thursday. And oh well, the trailer was actually quite good! It made me feel like i want to go buy a ticket tonight and watch it at Alamanda. Still unsatisfied, i went to watch the music video of the soundtrack of the movie, can't remember the title of the song but it was sang by Hafiz&Nadira(AF previous contestant). Through that movie, i get a glimpse of several scene in the movie. Yeah, made me feel like i want to watch it!

I know whats the bid deal right?

Okay la, not that i don't watch Malay movie, but it's kindda difficult to bring myself to watch a Malay movie at the cinema because they kindda have weird names that doesn't attract me, thus i think the title reflects the movie-mediocre. Example, like 'Karipap Cinta'-LOL! WTH would actually go watch this! Nevertheless, do no get me wrong here, i am not saying Malay movies are all bad, i do watch some of it like Buli (good) and Cicakman (impressive but i think storyline could be improved), and i believe there are a few others that are really good, but i didnt have the time to watch it. And btw, i don't go to the cinema that much, even for Hollywood movies, i just went to watch it at the cinema if i think it'll be worth it. And i've seen horrible English movies that i just stayed for 20 minutes and walked out, because it's just too pointless. 

Anyways, my point is, because i seldom watch Malay movies, and im not the romantic type (i guess), so Malay movies with a Romantic genre will be a red cross for me. So my friend (Hani) asked me a week ago about Ombak Rindu and was like 'what is that'. Surprisingly i have no idea it's a movie coming out and adapted from a bestseller novel. Seems like everybody knows about it though, because i asked the same to my firmate and she was like what were you reading when you were growing up? Errr. So Hani said she wanted to take me watch Ombak Rindu, and she knew i was gonna say no, and i thought so too. I was confident i wasn't going to even enjoy it. Nevertheless, i agreed to watch it but didn't sound excited.

But now, i am excited! I want to go tomorrow!!!! I hope Hani can sense my inner energy an say let's go tomorrow!

p/s Remember when i said i don't want to watch it because then i'll have this fancy imagination to get a bf. It's soaking into me already. And it's just a trailer, not the whole movie yet!

Define Life.

In pursuit of happiness 

Let me in you my little secret...

Secretly, deep down, in a very isolated place in my heart, i slightly wished that he would say that he want me to stay, or at least show a concern, because that would make the different in my decision. 


But then again, i am almost a hundred percent sure that he isn't even bothered about it. That made the different in my decision. 


Dot.


I take it all back. Screw you. 

Sebak Sedikit

I will miss your kind smile and words. Your handsome face.

To others you are Brad Pitt, but i think you suit James Franco.

I will at least text you on my long-awaited day, because i know you wouldn't want to be there or you could not be there, whichever, or whatever i would understand completely, but im doing it out of respect to you. 

Although we didnt have that much opportunity to work together, i am glad i got to know you.

When we meet, we will be on a different level, that i promise.

*will write more when i can as i find it a little sebak to write this.


You don't deserve any of this.

Last Friday Night

My ultimate current song now is Katy Perry Last Friday Night, because i'll always be counting my days to the fifth day of the week. Whenever i hear that song, ill be like 'thank you god'! I also get irritated when it is only Wednesday and the radio starts playing that song in the morning. Believe me, hearing it on my way to work is not good to the ear, mind and soul. 


But i love that song! and Katy Perry (of course), think she's hot and pretty.


And  now, i kindda forgot what i wanted to write...


Oh yes...


Just a thought to ponder on...


1. How far can you go along with someone whom you lost your respect.
2. Kalau superior saya ambil rasuah..etc...adakah saya juga makan duit haram? sob sob..


This entry has kindda lost it's coordination....i just want to say that i know i can't stand a two faced person. Like serious TIDAK BOLEH!  

James Franco.

Like Oh My God, 

you're too good looking for your age.

Down Memory Lane.

After reading my previous entries, all of you kind readers would have known by now that my working life haven't been exactly going on so smoothly, till date. 

Let me just elaborate on confession-i-stopped-counting.

1. Slow - I would describe my pace like a KTM train. It's getting sad and annoying. Yes, I'm getting annoyed by  own self. I sometimes feel like katak di bawah tempurung, because i've been doing habeas corpus for more than two years, and then i jumped into a different area, and it is overwhelming the amount of legal knowledge i do not know. 

2. Stupid - Well, this kindda goes with the first. When you're slow, you feel stupid. I can't believe i have to deal with this two words!

3. Pathetic - Well, fine, this relates to the above also. I don't feel good about myself because im not proud of my progress. I don't think i've achieve anything yet! I try to think that there must be something good i've learnt these past 2 months, ......... either im being negative or i just can't figure it out. 

4. Useless - Once again, either im being negative here, but i feel like im a waste of ppl's time and money.

5. Embarrassed -When you don't know much, you dont do yourself any good and you say or do things which you're not proud of. I can give justifications why it should be my fault entirely, but admit it, in the legal world and life, there is just no excuse. 

6. Sober - Sober means Sad. I don't have to elaborate on that. 

So why is this entry title 'down memory lane' again? Last friday, as i was just disappointed with the outcome of the meeting i had in shah alam with my boss, which im sure my boss must think im a total idiot (whatever). The guy which i arranged the meeting and was supposedly to meet, had just tendered his 24 hours resignation. I don't know what happen or how my boss found another officer in charge there (as i arrive late because i was lost.crap!), so they couldnt provide many information to help with the case. So i conclude the meeting as pointless. 

Back to the story, pointless meeting ended at 5, as i drove back home, it was only 530. Too early to go home. I didn't even want to go home yet. Wanted to talk to someone and tell them how stupid the day was. Thinking about meeting my good friend Hani, but i don't think it would be such a good idea because im sure she is sick of hearing my stories. So i decided to stop by my old office. 

When i saw some of the habeas corpus files, i think to myself God!habeas corpus is faarrr waaaayy easier than what im doing now, not that i want to go back there. Just saying the truth. 

Some things still doesnt change there i guess, but if there is one thing i miss about that place is having people to talk to and being a happy person. Im not a sad person. I think people who know me would know that. I was known for being a cheerful person at that place. Now, it's not that im not happy. I just couldnt be that happy person, for reason said earlier. 

I don't know exactly how to end this, so im going to stop now.

p/s: If i were brave enough i would say im sorry, but my ego said no. 

Confession - i stopped counting

I feel...

Slow

Stupid

Pathetic

Useless

Embarrassed

 Sober

PROMISE

I want to be a good LA. Stop complaining and questioning too many things. See the good things from ppl. I have a good and nice boss. Bersyukur boleh tak?

What does this says bout you?

Apparently, i like old men. What am i to do? The age gap, well i know it's an issue, but i don't find it a problem. Does that make me a bad person?

I have no problems about getting married. But i fear of getting pregnant, because people say that is when a women's body changes and they'll never look the same anymore. Period. I don't have body of a supermodel, i disagree when people say im kurus kering (Im not!). But I like how i look, im happy with my body. I think i have a cute ass. Does this make me a bad person? 

Bukan lah nk perasan or arrogant. But i think im a pretty girl. Maybe i am just a litttleee bit choosy about my men. But what is wrong with that? I can't just date or subsequently marry anybody, right? Does this make a bad person too?

I think people will freak out if i start speaking my mind. I don't think i have a weird take on life, it's just that i want different thing. 

I don't expect people to understand it. 

p/s Just a thought tho...

F!

You think i have so much time to write this week. No. The more i write means there is more going on in my life. More problems. More drama. Apparently there is just no other way to channel it.

This week- i call it-fucked up!

Monday - as per my previous post.

Tuesday - Monday event lingering in my head. I am officially involved in a fucked up contempt case. I don't even know how to initiate it. 

Wednesday - I thought i was being productive. I thought. I hoped. At least that's what hoped i was on. In the afternoon, everything went kapish! Besides going to a weekly meeting which i resent myself (ill explain in another time why), i went elsewhere, still for work purposes but in order to escape that. Rebel. that kindda goes with my name. Shit! That's the first one. Second, i remember my boss asked me about this one file which i am still working on. Haven't updated him yet even though he already asked. I bet he knows im not done with it. Obviouslyyyy!! Third, got notice to show cause on this other file. Honestly, i dont think it's my fault, sbb benda tu dh 2 bulan tak buat apa2 even before i joined the place, then suddently when it got to me, lambat skit-wala-show cause terus.babi betul!

I haven't been cursing since....fine, since i quit my previous place, even that, the worse i used was 'damn it'. Itu pon, kalao cakap people will be like heeei apa ni, elok2 skit. Kalau ckp 'shit' pon dgr 'shhh' ja, nk cover kan.

Now, semua cam S-H-I-T. But i don't curse at people lar, somehow F! describes best how frantic i am. 

Semuanya tak tahu nk buat. Semua last minute. What the fucked is wrong with you ilyana! 

Am i slow???


Now, exbf texted. silap besar. tonight i will be one angry bitch.


Sekian

p/s kesian hani kena selalu dengar my stupid problems. 

Bam Bam Boom!

It was such a good start on a Monday morning. I just bought a nice black&white (of course) blouse, so i thought i'd wear it today. I looked cute. Woke up a little bit late but still on time. I arrived early as always at the office. Somehow, maybe because i thought i looked cute today, i decided to drop by San Francisco Coffee and got myself a nice hot caramel latte to take away (chewah, stylo you berjalan penuh bergaya di Solaris holding a cup of coffee).

My plans today was i that i am suppose to accompany my client for inspection of documents at a company. Like i said, it was such a good start that i decided to drop by at the office first, planning that i could get a least some work done before i head to the company at about 10am. At 8 am, my firm mate rang me up to help her out with some documents for her case management this morning since she was running a little late. I was more than happy to help. See, it was such a good Monday.

As i head off to the company in Cheras, i impressed myself on my coordination because i arrive safely without getting lost. Waited while for my client to come.....lalalalala.....how hard could this be ey. Go in, get the document, leave.

So not the case.

As i arrived, we were denied entrance. The staff must think im stupid, i talked to your lawyer okay, dont fucking tell me you said it was another day when they told me to come today. Just to confirmed this issue, i had to make a few calls here and there. Ding dong here and there, everyone except you fucking idiots confirmed it was today. 

There was so many more to be pissed about, but ill just cut it down to a few.

One, if you don't want to let us in, don't make stupid excuses like that lar. You make my blood boilling okay.

Two, if you have issues with my client, that's up to you. I respect your situation, but you don't have to be rude to me lar. You don't have to speak with the F word and talk about being professional to me. Like seriously kiss me ass. 

Three, i think you should know better to not spill me with your unrelated stories. Im not interested. I don't care. Your wasting my time. And i hate lectures. 

Four, where's your counsel? 

Five, like hey hey...talking bout religion and then ask me if im muslim and malay ni apa kes? 

Six, gimme a break. No documents at all? like nothing? o i stayed for hours at your office just to listen to your stories? and i kindda forgot what it was = P

Now, i have a sore throat and i body don't feel good.

Oh yeah, what a great start.

p/s Like seriously, let's get personal 

Banyak Soalan Banyak Juga Jawapannya

One.


I wonder what he said to her about me on that event. When she talked to me to inquire about it, it didn't sound good. I admit that it was my fault. Not entirely, because i wasn't aware of how it works, so i had my reason.But i will take the blame because it was my work.It's my responsibility. I wonder if i am oversensitive about this, but i just felt a little taken back that if he wasn't pleased with me, he could have just said it to my face and not pass it to another.




Two.


I am still wondering if i am a good use at that place. As for now, i don't feel like i am. At times,i feel like i was a wrong choice.




Three.


I can't see myself here in the long run. I wonder why...




p/s I have no regrets on my transition...i am happy with my decision. It's just a little hard to swallow sometimes, that i feel i am from here to zero. get what i mean?

Hit me.

I wonder if im being too hard on myself. But i am actually quite dissapointed with my progress. I dont feel like i am contributing or any good to the place. I ponder...is what i've done so far good for them? it seem too little to me. I guess its that dilemma ive to deal with. Haih, i used to be so good!! 


At my previous work place, my staff say im all cool (mcm tak ada preasure). Now, i think my staff think im a sad looking girl with a frown on my face all the time. Remember 'generally im a happy person' statement? Im putting a pin in that now. Think i'll even hammer it down with a nail. 


Sighs.Sighs.Sighs.


p/s i hate feeling useless..

I miss you too much = ((((

The longest r/ship  i have ever been with and i could see myself being with for a long time is currently sick! I couldnt get to see him like i always did everyday anymore. I will not be seeing him for 2 days, at least, max. Please get well soon. I am miserable without you. 

p/s I miss you both.

Men

If there's one thing i noticed in my life so far, is that good looking and kind nice men;they are all taken!

I have a thing for nice men (bad boys just ain't my type), but when these men are good looking, its like magic! A god send!

p/s help me!

Postponed

Finally today, on a Monday, i get to go home early. Well, not so early but early enough for me. Went out of the office at 7, reached home at about 740, rushed to the shower and wala, it feels gooood! I forgot how a good shower feels like after a long day!

It's been really busy these days since i started at my new place. Time sure flies by, and i can't barely say cepat la jumaat because suddently it's already friday and that is scary because there are still abundant of work to be done! 

But whatever, i want to go home early today and i did!

Oh ya, i think all my files are being very cruel to me. They made me stay up until night and come on my weekends only to be postponed. Another trial coming up this friday, witness statement baru nk amik ptg esok, wednesday and thursday i have trial. Bila masa nk buat witness statement?bundles? 

p/s  D.I.E

Flashback-Quick!-Cos im Tired

I was a good employee. I was passionate and committed to my job. I always make sure whats handed to me was done. I was serious about my files. I was fast and good at it. I always knew what i had to do. I always had a solution. 

I can't wait to reach that phrase now.

I'd like to think they are lucky to have me.

I hope i can show that.

p/s I don't do lip kissing

An End to a Long Vacation.

So here i am spending my last few hours of this long vacation before i head for the usual routine of  .....

Sleep - Wake up - Quick Morning Shower (rushing of course) - Drive - Work - Stress - Blur - Never Enough Time - Skip Lunch - Drive Back Home with work still lingering in my head - Home (work again, yeah right~) - Sleepless Night in event there is a trial the next morning - repeat that for the the next at least 365 days.

So i haven't studied anything yet. Just so you know, im starting a new career. I'm still a lawyer, just that i decided to try out other areas of practice. So i'm starting fresh again. I thought i'd be a good idea to read up a little and freshen up some knowledge that's been left in the dusty box for awhile now. It's been prolonged since last week, you know the whole raya mood...who has mood to even open up a book right??? Still, i need to do this, which i haven't yet (of course) because otherwise i wouldn't be writing this.haha! But at least i made an effort, im at old town right now, considering if i sit at home that is a likely hood that i'd be just sleeping, so i decided to go out. And i did bring a book, only to realise it was the wrong one! So i still got tonight to browse through it a little. Should be okay. I think. I hope. Oh God Please let it be okay!

To make myself better, i remember during my varsity days, last minute study always works. I know some of you people might think what's the freaking out about all this, i mean its just the first day of work, you'll learn it eventually when the task is handed..etc...Well, im a skema (nerd) person. Plus im not such a genius. Plus im kindda boring too. Im not very spontaneous. Everything has got to be planned out accordingly. I remember a friend told me; girl you are too calculative. Sighs!

p/s there's even a book on boring people. just look at the title.jeez.on that note, im fine with what i am. to change?absolutely not. 

A new direction.

Hey readers, sorry i haven't been writing lately. I've been a little occupied with recent life changing event. Anyways, it's going to be Hari Raya in 4 days! How time flies by right? 

I'll be honest and admit that i am not a fan of festive season. Hari Raya, Chinese New Year, X'mas,public holidays and all...i am not a fan, because at these time people will get all excited and apply for leave for days to go back to their kampung, and i will feel left out in the moment, as i don't have anywhere to go home to. Okay, that sounds like a statement from someone who is homeless and i'm not. Let me clarify that. What i meant is i don't have the traditional kampung. My grandma lives in the city (KL). It's not that im complaining and ungrateful. It's kindda great that we lives just 30 minutes drive away from each other. I don't have to go through the traffic and long hour drive. But at some point, i miss those kampung style celebration and enthusiasm.


But, this year, Raya meant something to me. I had ample time to myself and my family which doesn't come by very often. It's like im reborn. It's like im starting a new life. And a new career. I am happy now. I am exactly where i want to be right now. 

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Maaf Zahir & Batin

Selamat Hari Merdeka Malaysia

p/s Love the country you live in or you might just as well live somewhere else.

     I was thinking, of changing my blog to more of a like twitter status because i predict  might not      have time to write in the future, so i was thinking of having just a short post, more to of a status.

All System Down.

title says it all. will be temporary disconnected now.

Selemat Berpuasa.

It's the first day of Ramadhan.

 Selamat Berpuasa to all muslims out there!

Some ppl needs to chill

Generally, i am a happy person (think ive said that a couple of times on my blog). I have low degree of annoyance (which mean i don't get annoyed easily) but i have high degree of tolerance (which mean i have almost zero tolerance for shit).

Some ppl get all serabut and panic and all when they are under preasure or over sensitive over something. Seriously I can't stand these type of ppl.

What the hell? You ppl need to chill and relax!

Some ppl have bigger and more serious problems than you are dealing with so stop acting like it's the end of the world and tarik muka seribu for the rest of of life.

Jangan jadi sad and pathetic.

Speechless

Okay, i guess now the news that i will be leaving is out in the open. Nevertheless, you still can't ask me anything about it. You can hear, you can comment but you can't ask. Not just yet.

Anyways, my office is organizing like a tea-party to celebrate me leaving. My office is organizing a high-tea in conjunction with me leaving. There will be a gathering of people, im sure all are in a happy mode like we're going to a party of something. Maybe there will be presents and cards. Speech. All eyes on me. Not to mention suddently everyone wants to take pictures with me.

Do you people know me? Im like Christina Yang in Grey's Anatomy. I don't like to feel "loved". Well, at least i don't like to show it. I don't like lovely dovy and touchy moments except with my boyfriend. My family don't have parties on birthdays. We don't do surprises. We have family dinner on birthdays where people all sit together in a table to say our prayer and a pep talk on how growing up should be by dad. Yeah. We are cold people.

Anyways again, I actually think they are organizing this too soon. I mean i have like another 2 weeks to go.

Should i start preparing a speech now? What am i suppose to say?

Urgh, this just isn't me.

I need consult!

At Point Blank

There has got to be a point where certain remarks just isn't that funny anymore.

For a fact, i hate name tag. I seldom wear them. But for change, i am wearing them now because i'm over these remarks ppl give me that they think i'm chinese and when i start telling them ny name and even spelling it for them, they are like "ha?. why so weird lah ur name. i thought you're chinese". So now that i have my name tag on, you know what i am, right? so don't give me that surprise look.

But today, this one particular Mr. Lawyer as soon as he saw me, i don't know why he has to shout and let the whole court knows. He's like "waaah. I thought chinese!". Excuse me Mr. Blind, but did you not see my name tag and jakun sangat ke tak pernah tgk Malay rupa mcm chinese, Malay rupa mcm Indian and whatsoever. Jeez!

p/s I am not that obvious so will you ppl just quit it!!

After Life.

When we were in school, we were pushed to be the top student so we could either get into the top classes or go to boarding school (because admit it, we live in a country where getting into a bording school are considered the elite, for bright students).

Then, when got passed that, we entered high school and we were pushed to score straight As so that we could be a doctor. no? okay, correction. We were pushed to score straight As so that we could get into University. And yes, at this point we thought to ourself that this is it, the kind of freedom that we have been dreaming of...the fun, bfs and gfs, friends, like those we seen on TV, 90210 or whatever. We want that.

Once we were in it, we realise that the chase is not over. We get sick of the whole when-will-study-be-over and we dream of the after life when we finally graduated and start earning money so we could shop all we want and buy unlimited stock of clothes, shoes and go for vacation. And we believe, that after we reached that phrase, everything will work out fine. We finally have a job. What more is there to ask for, right?

Well, at least thats how i see it or how i went through. Only to realise that, this is the hardest part. Why? because this is the part when you will want more (again, at least for me). Why? because before it was only about getting a job that pays, you think that is what you need-just the job that pays you enough. But no! Once you get here, it will never be enough. Not just the money, but the part where hopes and dreams comes tag along. You have a job but it won't get you to your dreams. So you search and you're torn between having just a job or having the dream job.

Like i have said before, i wish i was born simple. I'm sorry, but i am greedy and i will always want more. Having just a job for me right now is not good enough for me. I want a job that'll take me places.

I admit, letting go of my job right now is the most risky thing i have done. But it would also be the bravest move i have ever made. It is not going to be easy. But i guess i don't want easy. I will deal with it. I'll cross the bidge when i get there.

Quoting from Grey's Anatomy Season 7 from Yang.

"You are either born simple or me"

Which one are you?

p/s there is nothing wrong with wanting the simplist thing in life. i admire those who does.

Korea, I miss You

I was reading through a few blogs and quite a few are counting their days to Seoul Korea. It hit me that it's been a year now when i visited Korea. Oh god, I miss that country.

It has also been a year since my last vacation and Damn it! I need one right now!

Strangest news on a Friday Morning.

Curtesy of yahoo news...

Man's penis cut off, put through garbage disposal

WESTMINSTER, Calif. (AP) — Prosecutors say an argument over houseguests led a Southern California woman to cut off her estranged husband's penis and put it down a garbage disposal.

 

Catherine Kieu, 48, was charged Wednesday with torture in a case that has garnered international attention and could land her behind bars for life.

 

Kieu appeared briefly in Orange County Superior Court in a navy blue jail jumpsuit, hiding her face with her long, dark hair. She was appointed a public attorney and denied bail.

 

She was placed in the jail's medical ward to be psychologically evaluated, sheriff's spokesman Jim Amormino told the Orange County Register.

 

The petite woman whose chains clanked as she shuffled into the caged area of the courtroom where inmates are held will return to court July 22 for her arraignment, which was continued on Wednesday, and a bail review hearing.

 

Kieu and her husband were still living together in a Garden Grove condo that he owned. He had filed for divorce in May, and they argued before the attack about friends staying at the condo, authorities said.

 

On Monday night, police say Kieu spiked a meal and served it to the victim.

 

The 60-year-old man started to feel sick and went to lie down, then awoke tied to the bed as Kieu attacked him with a 10-inch kitchen knife, police said.

 

She then put the penis down a garbage disposal, police said.

 

"It's hard to believe what would motivate a person to do this sort of thing," the district attorney's chief of staff, Susan Kang Schroeder, said outside court. "It's one of the worst things you could do to a person short of killing him."

 

Police did not release the victim's name. He underwent surgery and was listed in good condition at University of California at Irvine Medical Center, hospital spokesman John Murray said.

 

Murray declined to say whether the penis was reattached or provide any additional details about the victim's condition, citing patient privacy laws.

 

Dr. Joel Gelman heads UC Irvine's Center for Reconstructive Urology, didn't comment on the victim specifically but said a severed penis is "a terrible loss and it's the hardest thing, in our specialty, to deal with surgically."

 

In cases of penis loss, a penis-like structure with limited utility can be constructed using flesh and skin from the forearm, said Gelman.

 

Kieu was charged with one felony count of torture, one felony count of aggravated mayhem and sentencing enhancements for great bodily injury and personal use of a knife. If convicted of all counts, she could face life in prison without the possibility of parole.

 

Garden Grove Police Lt. Jeff Nightengale said Kieu called police Monday night to report a medical emergency and told arriving officers "he deserved it" before pointing to the room where the victim was found bleeding profusely. She was taken into custody without incident and refused to talk to officers further.

 

The couple was married in December 2009. When the victim filed for divorce, he cited irreconcilable differences, court records show. Kieu was slowly moving her things out of the condo, authorities said.

 

The victim declined to comment when he was reached by phone Tuesday by the Register.

 

"This is a private matter," he said.

 

A call by The Associated Press to a phone number listed on court documents for the victim was answered Wednesday by a person who promptly hung up.

Officers visited the victim on Tuesday and found him in "amazingly good spirits considering everything he has gone through," Nightengale said.

 

In 1993, Lorena Bobbitt cut off her husband's penis in Virginia and threw it out of her car window into a field on the side of the road. She claimed years of sexual abuse drove her to the attack, and she was acquitted by reason of insanity.

 

The penis was later reattached.

**thank god! = P

Rosmah beli cincin RM24j

Sebuah kumpulan yang menamakan diri mereka sebagai Solidariti Anak Muda Malaysia (SAMM) membuat laporan kepada Suruhanjaya Pencegahan Rasuah Malaysia cawangan Pulau Pinang berhubung dakwaan pembelian sebentuk cincin oleh isteri Perdana Menteri, Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor.

 

Ketua SAMM Badrul Hisham Shaharin berkata beliau juga akan menyerahkan salinan cetakan dokumen itu dari skrin komputer bagi membuktikan pembelian cincin berharga RM24.4 juta itu bebas daripada dikenakan cukai import.

 

Menurut Badrul, yang popular dengan panggilan Chegubard, berdasarkan maklumat yang diterima SAMM pada 16 April lalu, berlian yang dikenali sebagai“Natural Fancy Gray Cushion Cut Diamond” diterbangkan melalui Lapangan Terbang Antarabangsa Kuala Lumpur.

 

Harga barangan itu diletakkan pada RM24,458,400, dakwanya.

 

Antara maklumat tertera pada cetakan komputer itu adalah:

 

Nama Barangan: Natural Fancy Blue Gray Cushion Cut Diamond

 

Nama Pengekspot : Jacob & Co dari New York

 

Nama Pengimpot: Datin Seri Paduka Rosmah Mansor dan Jeremi Beh Sin Tee

 

Tarikh Impot: 6-04-2011

 

Tempat Impot : KLIA

 

Sehubungan itu, Badrul menggesa SPRM mengadakan siasatan secara terperinci dan telus sebelum menyatakan hasil siasatan.

 

"Kita mendesak SPRM untuk tampil menyatakan hasil siasatan mereka kepada umum kerana ini melibatkan bukan sedikit jumlah wang rakyat Malaysia."

 

Beliau berkata cetakan maklumat yang diperolehi "hampir mustahil" untuk dipalsukan.

 

"Hampir mustahil untuk seseorang membekalkan butiran penerbangan, nama pegawai kastam yang bertugas, nama pengimport dan sebagainya," kata beliau.

 

"Ini mengingatkan kita kepada negara jiran kita yang pernah dihancurkan oleh seorang wanita pertama yang bernama Imelda Marcos. Kita tidak mahu negara kita jadi begitu.

 

“Cukuplah rakyat yang terseksa. Kita tidak mahu orang yang bernama sebagai wanita pertama bersikap sedemikian rupa." tambahnya.

 

Badrul turut menggesa Rosmah tampil memberi penjelasan bersabit dakwaan itu, khususnya mengenai cetakan maklumat pengisytiharan Kastam yang diperolehinya.

 

Beliau juga berkata syarikat Jacob dan Co yang dikatakan mengeksport cincin itu, turut dikaitkan dengan barangan perhiasan yang diguna oleh isteri Perdana Menteri.

 

"Jacob & Co merupakan sebuah syarikat yang berpengkalan di New York. Beberapa barang keluarannya yang terpapar dalam web sitenya, kita dapat padankannya dengan beberapa perhiasan yang sering dipakai oleh Rosmah Mansor," katanya.

 

Beliau juga mempersoalkan bagaimana pengimport cincin berlian itu mendapat pengecualian cukai bagi membawa masuk perhiasan itu.

 

"Adakah suami individu yang dinamakan di atas menggunakan kuasanya sebagai Menteri Kewangan untuk memperolehi cukai kosong itu?" soalnya.

**weeeyy, mahalnya lah cincin 24 juta. Perlu ke semahal tu. Most important, guna duit siapa????I don't have anything political against this this lady, but i really do think she need to tone it down a little. I mean she is the First Lady after all, she should resembles the people. You go around preaching ppl to overcome poverty, and all, but you walk around with a 24 million ring and surgery costing millions and everything. My god....

 

Just Don't

Don't be so full of ignorance of our self that we don't realise what we have done to others.

p/s crying.

Counting Days

I am officially pronouncing that i am counting my days.

Sila freak out.

To add to this interview agony, i asked the HR this morning and she said i will interviewed by the Legal Manager himself. The company has a legal department consist of only the Legal Manager himself and he is looking for an assistant, which is the post i appplied for. The written assestment will be legal! great!! This feels like an examination. The last time i sat for an exam was 2 years ago.

Until, then...i have Muar to worry about first.

Scared. Nervous.

1. Takutnya nak pegi Muar hari Khamis appear depan Dato' Ummi! File mcm problem, mesti dia akan banyak tanya, nak jawab apa? kalau die tak puashati dgn jawapan mcmana? worse yet, mcmana kalao dia baling file? Perlu tangkap ke? Tips from senior kata jangan tangkap. Tapi kalao kertas semua nanti dah berterabur, perlu ke pick it up? Ramai tuuu org dalam court.. Malunya nak take a bow of shame!

2. Dah la cuak about the above, i also have never drove to Muar on my own! Finding my routes and directions are not my best forte.

 

3. Interview itself is just horrifying. The agony of waiting and putting yourself in a spot to be judge by people is definitely not on my list of the most-awaited experience.

I have a job interview on Friday. I am very estrange to the particular area and I can't find the strenght and time to study on it. So if they ask me, i'll be honest and say industry is not my area of practice but guess what, none of it was, but i learn when i get the job. And i get the job done.


The only positive thing about interview is you get to see what you're worth, prospect of a better job and a bigger pay slip. I don't know about those who go to interview for the experience, i can't reconcile that. Not all roller coasters are worth the ride. Definitely not this one.


I hope i get a good offer because that's the only reason i applied for the job. The work scope isn't really what i look for, but i've had it with my current place which gives me no reason to stay.


* Recently i dreamt someone came to my house and proposed, and without even thinking (of course, who has time to think in dreams?), i just accepted it. Afterwards, when all the ceremony was over, i begged my mother to stop it. hah! Anyways, i felt a little bit weird that i had that dream so in the morning, i browsed a little about interpreting dream and i read that if you dreamt as such, it means that soon you are going to get a better job. I wonder, is this coming interview it?


4. My interview has a pre-assessment-written. Not good at all on my side. I only have a day to prepare for it, and on that one day i have to go to Muar. Just perfect!! Bila nk prepare? bila???



P/S Wish me luck!

Sometimes what you say it gonna come back twice.

I have this friend, a female friend. I confessed that i dislike her. And to be honest, i don't feel guilty of doing so because some people are just hate able. So it's not me, it her with the problem because a lot of people just don't like her as well. And trust me, there is a perfectly valid reason for doing so. Just adding to the sourness, i have not in my life come across anyone who said that they are fine with her. She has issues with everyone. LOL.

Recalling pass history, they say what's done is done. But life really has a way of slapping you back in your ass. I mean this girl, i find her annoying because she brags and complaints about the little things in life. I would find it acceptable if she were to come from a rich wealthy family, that she has to complaint about taking a bus to class and not attending a wedding because she finds it intolerable to be in the hotness under the sun, why people would spend hundred of dollars to be slim..etc..etc...She's more into that complaining, she goes to the extent of questioning how and why people would go through that because she wants it too but she doesn't want to go through those experience which according to her seems intolerable. I mean, seriously Miss F, are you Kate Middleton? If you want it, just go do it, it is not like you have to walk the mountains and go through the jungle.

Right. So i recall this one moment where she talks and criticise why people would go on and off with their tudung. Bla Bla Bla and so on. I swear at that moment i was rolling my eyes and swore for her to just shut up and stop talking like she's a goddess!

Finally away from her now, i can only say my prayer to those who are stuck with her.

After a few years now, i heard and confirmed the rumours that she is now free hair, like totally off with her tudung. People are shocked of course by her move because she always seem to be so 'decent'. But i just laughed out loud. Her comment for her change was "people change". My comment: Finally after hidding under that innocent looks and criticizing ppl, you decided to be them huh? Well, good for you. And a little pityful i might say.

I always have this one word to best described her-hypocrite.

And it still does well to describe her.

Congratulation for living up to that expectation!

p/s jilat ludah sendiri. how does it taste girl?

Had it

Annoying.Annoying.Annoying.

Nak muntah.nak muntah.nak muntah.

Fed up.Fed up.Fed up.

Seriously i can't spend another minute in this place.

I'm sorry, i do care deeply and like some of the people here, but i can't be here anymore.

I found this on my pendrive...

I don't remember when i wrote this, but it is one of my unpublished entiries i guess.

Title   :      Feelings missed.

It’s early morning. Maybe around 630 am. I’ll take a shower and the water is freezing cold. There is no water heater available here. On my way to the bathroom, i will bumb into some people doing the same thing as i am about to do. Probably. The shower will be a quick one, because, yes, it is freezing cold. But i am not rushing. There isn’t any plan for today. I am just taking my sweet time. I put my lazy pant and tshirt. Lay on my bed again just enjoying the morning. I look to my right and front. They’re all up too doing the same thing as i am. At 7 we will go for breakfast, then talk about what we will do for today. It has to be Saturday. Here, it almost feel better than home.

College.

That early morning activity when i was in college is one of things i miss. There is an undescribable feeling that i am not able to put in words, like a calm serene emotion where waking up in the morning doesn’t feel like a drag. No expectation of what i have to be do on a not-working day. No obligations to do such.

This note is unfinished. I can't continue to write it now because i don't remember how i wanted it to end when i wrote it.

My best friends wedding.

Once again, it is that time of the year where we will be showered by wedding invitations. I have to apologise to some of my friends for not being able to make it to their wedding as i was torn between many invites.

To my ex-roomate, Hans - Selamat Pengantin Baru! Sorry could not make it to your wedding. You looked really beautiful with the white gown, you always were pretty. Remember when you, me, Dd and Dhura were roomates and we would make fun about who were going to get married first? Didn't think it would be you, would we? = )

To another one my my ex-roomate and good friend- Fiza - Selamat Pangantin Baru to you too! I'm really happy for you. You found your happy ending at last after that last sturggle and experience which you, nor any other girl deserve. As always, you looked really pretty. = )

This week, i will be attending another one of my good friend's wedding. Honestly, i love wedding and attending those to whom i know because it made be feel that there is still something good and right happening in this world. I think i share their happiness of their very own happy ending.

Mine, yet to to come true.

p/s pictures will be updated later.

Unhappy

I wish i could be more a complaisant person. Be just fine and content with what i have, wished i could just be like those people who just wants the simplist thing in life; to just have a job that pays them enough to get through the day, not too choosy and picky about whom they are going to marry, what they want to buy, the kind of life they want to lead..etc..etc..etc.

Right now, i am not happy. About everything. Call me an ungrateful bitch, but at 25 in the city, is like trying to make it the real world and as for now, i feel like im crawling at the bottom windmill. It's weird, because i remember not so long ago, when i was 21-22, i feel like the luckiest person in the world. I had everything and everything i had was good enough. Now, everything seem otherwise, nothing is ever satisfying.

My life is not taking on a new height. I am not happy and i don't know how to be. It is not like i haven't tried to be positive about all these.

I just can't go on writing about this. I'm going to just let this go and figure out whether im just having my moments or things are just falling out of place.

I've been listening to this one song, and trying to capture the essence of this words in the song:
"If it makes you happy, then it can't be that bad."
"If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad"

p/s Oh white knight, i really can't wait to meet you. You are the only thing that i can see myself with for the long run.

Park Signal On!

I was so angry today at this Pakcik driving a black getz. Imagine, i was already waiting for this parking with my signals on, and he suddently came in and park his car there. Like shit! I gave him a horn a few times and even glanced at him, and die boleh buat muka macam blur like tak tahu what is going on. I didn't move my car and i bet people around there noticed what was going on and were starring at us. I was just about to pull down my mirror and said Pakcik tak tau adab parking ke?! Tapi disebabkan ada ramai orang kt situ, so xnk timbulkan chaos and memalukan orang, i said to myself to just let it go.

I did.

Only for a few seconds, as a drove back to that parking and that stupid Pakcik was still in his car. I stopped beside his car and gave him a few more horns. Of course, i looked at him ,and he still had his blur face. I was hoping to bump into him at the supermarket so that i can actually tegur him, but God has better things planned, we did not bump into each other.

I can only say that, kalau tak reti adab tu mmg tak kira umur, dah tua nk mati pon tak reti adab....kesian, patutla la dh kawin and ada anak pakai kereta kecik je kan Pakcik?

Kesian.

Pathetic.

Updates!

Last week, i went camping. Well, sort of, except we slept in dorms. But we still applied the camping tradition, like bath berkemban ramai-ramai, outdoors activities which includes kayak-ing for 4 straight hours with jellyfish swimming around us (thank god i did not get sting as many participants did), flying foxs, and swam in a stinky swamp, walk on a thin robe from one end to another and cooking.

It was fun minues the part where we had to listen to talks which i don't agree, because i don't think it is given by the appropriate person and the topic was the wrong forum.  Sorry, i'm not being arrogant here, but frankly speaking i think if you want to teach people about law, and your quorum are legal people, i think it is only fair that you should have some legal background, FIRST. Secondly, please don't go into the whole politic agenda. It's just wrong!

I didn't say the place did i...it was at Balik Pulau, Bayan Lepas Penang. When we were there, we were divided into groups and my oh my, my named was randomly (i assumed) picked as group leader. Sometimes i wonder if it's written in the stars or im just always lucky, that i was always picked to lead. When i was in UiTM during my LLB, i was choosen to the SP (senior partner), then when i joined service i was picked to lead the murder moot trial. But i enjoyed every bits of it, and i dont think i can ever imagine myself not being picked. Hehe..

So anyways, no sun burn! Because it was raining everyday when we were there, so it wasn't too hot. I prefer it that way, because it lessen the outdoor activities. Hehe..

After 4 days off from work (3 days off from work and 1day was public holiday-labour day), when i got back to the office, of course, files and more files was queing! It was scary to think that how can i get all these done! But somehow, productivity and will took over me, and so wala! everything is looking good. Not to mention i had to endure exhaustion and tiredness. When i got home, i literally just doze off into slumberland.

Oh hey! My car is due next week!

A little dissapointment because the color i initially wanted was no longer available. My agent said he misrepresented me. Ah my stupid agent! I had him in a nightmare forcing him to find me that copper color no matter what! But i'm done torturing him now, so i settle for a pearl white.

Yes, pearl white can still be considered as a male (haha). I will not get a female car (haha). I'm still thinking of a name of my car....a male name. Hahaha..

Ideas? Ideas?

Sharing with you a conversation of what took place between me and my friend as we were discussing about this car....

Friend    :     So what color is she going to be?
Me        :     She? It is going to be a him. Why would i get a she?!
Friend    :     Fine! Gatal....
Me        :     Hahaha...it's going to be brown/copper. Wonder what i should call him.
Friend    :     You can call him copper.
Me        :     Yes. maybe. He is going to be a hot and he's got my name all over him (because the plat number is my birthday)
Friend    :    He's got your name written at the buttom on his butt. Haha
Me         :    And on the front too! Hahaha
Friend    :     Ewww,yana. Gross. Now my mind is running.


Is your mind running too? Hehe...