Adventure in Solitude

I've had to say goodbye more time than i would have liked. But Everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we do it, even when it's for the great or good. It still stinks. And though we'll never forget what we've given up. We owe it to ourself to keep moving foward. What we can't do, is live our lives always afraid of the next goodbye. Because chances are, they're not going to stop.

The trick is to recognize, when a goodbye can be a good thing. When it's a chance to start again.

About two weeks ago, i told took an undertaking, that my emotions are for mine to be sacred. I didn't like what i was seeing as i read though my previous entries. The content of it. The intention of the authur. And the consequence to specific readers.

So i did took the time off. A two weeks off.

During that period of serenity, it bought back the person i once knew. It bought ME back. A more calm and serene version of me. Content with who she was and what she had. Rather than rushing into things, i am now just happy living out my lives. Still hopeful yet positive on what the future holds for me.

In the past few weeks, some things are just a step too foward. And when you rush into something that you know deep inside according to your instict that it will not work out, you should have followed your instict. I should have followed mine. But curiousity of what might happen carries more weight. And so it happens. I won't go into details of those event that took place. I have let it go.

Letting it go to mean i refuse to look back and regret it. It has tought me a lesson. It has tought me well. It also reminded me of who i am. When you have doubts on your action, you should look back on who you are and the principles of life that you hold on to. If making an apology even for something that isn't yours to make in the first place, if that makes you feel better deep inside. Then so be it. If that gives you a sense relief that you have done your part of the story. It doesn't make you a week person. The saying "sorry seem to be hardest word" is just an ideal song they made up to sell records. There is no such thing. The hardest thing is admitting you've done a wrong. Are you brave enough to do so? Are you willing to set aside your ego and apologise. But if that isn't you. That is your choice. Guess we all live by different principle.

Though, don't apologise too often action. It kills the sorry.

It is you act, your decision, you should live by it. That's why i always say, "don't be sorry".

Two weeks doesn't seem like a long time. But that's not the point.

The objective is compose youself again. Re-evaluate the things that's happen.

Right now, everything seems to be doing alright. It isn't all falling into place. It's not suppose to be that way.

Working life ain't going so bad. There's its up and down. That's just how it is. I'm going in that direction where "work is where my heart is" or "work is my life?". I don't mind going to the office on weekends. I don't mind staying back at the office too (though that's a little difficult lately because my dad is using my car, so he comes and picks me up according to his convenient time, not mine

Friends are awesome. I love that feeling of meeting up with old friends in varsity. Everyone has changed and transformed in each different ways. But among us, we will always be that same person that we once knew. I think, that is one feeling we and i will cherish. To name a few here, the ones i manage to meet up:- Hani, Sheda, Ana, Ayu, Wani, Diana and Dudi. More meet ups coming soon. = )

At home, we are all busy with more and more wedding preparations. Just recently my niece, Faznor, got engage, she is one year older than me. Beautiful ceremony. Next on the line is my brother. And yes! I have made my baju kurung for his wedding. It's going to be a kebaya with a little twist. Hah! I cannot wait till it's done and try it on. I personally designed it. He had decided on the door gift, but i can't help but insist that i will determine the cupcakes. Cuppies are cute, happy little things that makes me happy. And it is only proper that i should be given the chance to spread that happiness (the wonders of cupcakes).

I said to a friend that i decided to stop writing for awhile because i didnt want people to know how i was feeling. I wanted my emotion for me to know alone. Well, that were the days where, i strongly believe that those emotions were unreal. Now that it's gone. I will write again. And he is going to boo me. Argh, so be it. Once a writer always a write? (hello).

I don't write to impress people. Neither to make people want to read it. I write for my personal satisfaction. But when there are readers who took the time to read it, it really does make my day better. If there are those who gets offended by it, then i'm pretty sure it's because they've done something seriously wrong. Because i'm not the type person who gets annoyed or pissed off easily. As simple as that. Why should i take the extra effort to worry about their feeling, when they don't care about others or mine. Right? Maybe that's a little too mean. Worry less about them is a better term.

For a few times, i have to start all over again at different points of my life. You'll noticed it if you read through. Said a lot of Goodbyes but said a lot of Hi's too. Life is good will all that. Don't mourne over it. Ever. Pls. When it is just not for you, then it for the best that it's gone. When it is not good to you, you should let it pass by. You deserve better than that. You can do better than that.

So certain goodbye means a step further to happiness.

Go on and say it when you have to.

So don't worry too much about your life okay. Don't stressed out too much on it. (no wonder Wani worries, i seem to be too happy).

I'm glad to be back.

**Just so it is not misinterpreted, one goodbye not worth it, is saying goodbye to your life by ending it. I'm a Realist. I believe every problem can be solved.

p/s I am grateful for two specific person who made me feel like i have really done something seriously damn right!!